6 Unrealistic Expectations We Have for Teens

Teenagers. They can be moody, impulsive, and frustrating. But they can also be insightful, passionate, and full of potential. It's important to remember that adolescence is a period of immense brain development, and some of the behaviors that drive us crazy as parents are actually biologically driven. Here are six common expectations we place on teens that might not be developmentally appropriate:

1. Consistent Emotional Control

We often expect teens to manage their emotions like adults, but their brains are still under construction. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control, isn't fully developed until their mid-twenties. This means emotional outbursts, mood swings, and heightened sensitivity are normal.

Instead of: Punishing emotional outbursts, try to:

Validate their feelings: "It sounds like you're really frustrated right now."
Teach coping mechanisms: Deep breathing, mindfulness, exercise.
Offer support: "I'm here for you if you want to talk."

2. Long-Term Planning

Thinking about the distant future is hard for teens. Their brains are wired for immediate rewards, making it difficult to prioritize long-term goals like college applications or saving money.

Instead of: Expecting them to plan independently, try to:

Break down large tasks: Help them create smaller, manageable steps.
Connect actions to consequences: Explain how today's choices impact tomorrow.
Provide guidance and support: Offer advice and help them stay on track.

3. Focus and Organization

While some teens are naturally organized, many struggle with focus and time management. Their brains are still developing the ability to filter distractions and prioritize tasks.

Instead of: Labeling them as lazy or unmotivated, try to:

Create a structured environment: Provide a designated study space and minimize distractions.
Teach organizational skills: Help them develop systems for note-taking, planning, and time management.
Be patient and understanding: Recognize that this is a skill that takes time to develop.
4. Complete Independence

Teenagers are in a transitional stage, moving from dependence to independence. While they crave autonomy, they still need guidance and support.

Instead of: Expecting them to handle everything on their own, try to:

Gradually increase responsibility: Give them opportunities to make decisions and solve problems.
Offer guidance and support: Be available to offer advice and help when needed.
Respect their individuality: Allow them to explore their own interests and identity.

5. Mature Social Skills

Social interactions can be a minefield for teenagers. They're navigating complex relationships, peer pressure, and social media, all while their brains are still developing the social cognition skills needed to understand social cues and manage conflict effectively.

Instead of: Assuming they know how to handle social situations, try to:

Talk about social dynamics: Discuss healthy relationships, boundaries, and conflict resolution.
Role-play different scenarios: Help them practice navigating challenging social situations.
Offer support and encouragement: Be a sounding board and offer advice when needed.

6. Sleep Schedules

Teenagers' biological clocks are naturally shifted later, making it difficult for them to fall asleep early. Expecting them to adhere to adult sleep schedules can be counterproductive.

Instead of: Forcing early bedtimes, try to:

Create a relaxing bedtime routine: Encourage activities that promote sleep, like reading or taking a bath.
Limit screen time before bed: The blue light emitted from screens can interfere with sleep.
Ensure a dark, quiet sleep environment: Minimize noise and light distractions.

Remember: Adolescence is a time of tremendous growth and change. By understanding the developmental challenges teenagers face, we can adjust our expectations and provide the support they need to thrive.

Have questions or need support navigating this challenging time? Contact me today!